As for me, I won’t say I am pure and perfect, I did hurt people in my life, most of the time, it was collateral damages. It happened but that wasnt the main objective. But one thing is sure, I had never spread lies about people. Never. And I am not a drama addicted, so I do not need to absolutely know about what other’s  dirty do and say that are not related to me.

As for love matters, I am not sure I am suited for love. Not the kind of love that litterature and cinema fancies.  Maybe when I’ll mature a bit I’ll understand more but as for now, I haven’t started to understand anything of it yet…

En fait aujourd’hui je suis remplie de gratitude pour tous les gens que j’ai rencontrés dans ma vie, même ceux qui m’ont blessés, parce que chacune de ces personnes m’ont permis de mieux me connaître. Grâce à ces personnes, j’ai découvert des côtés de moi que je ne connaissais pas, confirmé des doutes que j’avais sur moi. Hopefully, it made me a better person. That’s why I will try to embrace all of my previous experiences. Probably, there are people who will stay unforgiven in my heart but this doesnt interfere in my ability to feel grateful towards them for the experience that has been bestowed on me. This and that are 2 different things. Completely.

Je me suis toujours demandée pourquoi vit-on avec le besoin d’avoir l’approbation des autres. Même ceux qui ont réussi à dépasser ce besoin, le sublimer, l’ont ressenti à un moment ou à un autre. Obtenir de la reconnaissance des autres est un besoin tertiaire selon la pyramide de Maslow, or, à mon avis, pour obtenir de la reconnaissance des autres, il faut que les autres nous approuvent. Reconnaître n’est-ce pas accepter et approuver?

Est-il possible de vivre sans avoir besoin de la reconnaissance des autres?

Je n’ai pas encore de réponses à mes interrogations.

Sur un tout autre sujet, j’aimerais dans ce billet rendre hommage à mon très cher professeur de français décédé : M. Paul-Eugène Dubé qui a marqué tout mon secondaire et grâce à qui j’ai pu développé un bon français écrit.  Je l’ai adoré. Ses cours de français et de latins n’étaient jamais une corvée pour moi.

M. Dubé était tout un personnage. Coloré, colèrique (juste un peu) imposant le respect, imposant le respect par son attitude, humble, ayant un sens de l’humour…particulier. Lorsque je rentrais dans le cours, une pensée du jour était écrite au tableau. Si les étudiants étaient peu enthousiastes, il allait à la fenêtre, l’ouvrait et s’exclamait :”L’air frais chasse l’air bête”. Puis, il nous faisait un grand sourire et la classe reprenait. Et il avait une citation, dont je me souviens encore et qui va me rester: “La langue française n’est pas une langue difficile mais une langue intelligente”.

De tous mes professeurs, toute catégorie confondue, il reste dans mes souvenirs, le meilleur prof que j’aurai jamais eu.

My parents are first generation immigrants. Escaping the war, they came here with nothing. Only thing they had was their will to work hard to raise us in a good environment.  They had to work like crazy to be able to provide my brother and I with a good home and a decent education. I remember my mom working 2 and sometimes 3 jobs a day, same for my dad. Every single day from as long as I remembered, I saw my parents working. We were not dirty poor but we weren’t filthy rich. I’d say we were just decent. My university degree, bachelor and master, I worked for it. My parents did not pay for it. For the last 6 years, I have been the one paying for rent and utilities at home, while paying for my university degree. Even now, even though I am not living with them, I am still the one paying the rent for my parent’s home.

But I am used to work, from the age of 14 years, every summer I have been working to pay my own expenses, to learn the value of money. My parents taught me good values and good manners, but everything else, was the product of my own efforts.

So when I look at some of the people I have met through that group of acquaintances, I am disgusted. Disgusted at how they waste their time and energy, and also the efforts of their parents. Because if I was provided with the same opportunities I know what I would have done: Take profit of it, make sure I’d skyrock the sky.
I wasn’t given the opportunity to learn to play piano or violin or anything rich kids do, because my parents had bigger issues in mind, like make sure they would be able to pay school bills and food for my brother and me.  But whenever it was cheap or free, I took advantage of it, so as soon as I hit high school, I started doing all those extracurricular activities: theatre, harmony, flutes and clarinets, fashion, radio, school newspaper, student council as reps, everything I could grab, genies en herbes, badminton and other things. That’s apart from being an A grade student. Yes I managed all that because that’s what I wanted to be. Because I wanted to keep myself busy. I want to enjoy my high school life, and I can say that I sincerely did.

So when I look at those people that had just hit their 20s acting arrogant and ungrateful, taking for granted things that are not, stirring useless troubles, I am disgusted. Keep to your selfish selves your patronizing attitude and pity please, I am about to hit 30 and you are in no position to be moralistic with me. I might have not seen the war but I have seen loads of shit in my life, and none of you will be able to break me, I aint that weak.

 On a happier note, I love my coworkers  ^.^ spent an afternoon chilling with them bowling and everything and it was great! =)

Sam, she is  an obstinated person, who, when she has her mind set on something, will go to the end of what she had decided…

Dee and sam….a friendship that maybe wasnt meant to be.

Why am i talking about about dee and sam? Because their friendship is touching to me. Because their history is heartwarming but I am not the one meant to tell you all about it…. only dee and sam can talk about them i guess.

Meanwhile in my life, I had a xmas party with coworkers. It was great! Especially since I was part of the organizing comittee.. It might have been hard but it was fun. People seemed to have taken it really to heart and seemed to have a lot of fun.

I lost another kilo. 63 now….but I’ve gained 2 since….because since I am sick all I do is eat and eat and eat and sleep…..brrr….is it because of winter?

I also spent nihyaku doraru in clothings…..^^ 2 pieces come from YUMI. I LOVE THAT BRAND IT IS SO CUTE. I am planning to spend more… …. I also need to buy winter boots….the white snow reminded that my feet need to be kept warm and dry…So right after work i am heading to browns >=)….Flat, imperm boots,  will be hard to find ….

I am in love with yumi ~~~~~

I am happy hehe….

The mexican guy, got to see him yesterday, we spent around 3hrs talking and getting to know each other. I like him. Because he is warm. Comme un rayon de soleil. I like how he warms me up. Me who is rather cold. ^^

I am bored with my love life. Not wanting commitment, not wanting any relationships but I would like to have a closed friendship with him. Might be possible

Est-ce que j’ai perdu la capacité de m’émerveiller? Suis-je devenue si aigrie que même le soleil n’est plus doré mais jaune fade?….

Je n’en sais rien. Ces jours-ci je navigue en pleine confusion: sur mon métier, mes amours, mes amitiés et ma vie en générale.

Petit intermède : J’ai un rencontré un mec mexicain….un charmeur de première mais ça ne me dérange pas trop….j’aime bien ce trait chez lui. C’est un mec intéressant ^^